Episode 02: Radical Rest with Octavia F. Raheem
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In this conversation, L'Oreal and Octavia F. Raheem discuss the critical need for rest, especially for high-achieving individuals, particularly Black women. They explore the societal pressures that lead to burnout and the importance of creating white space in our lives. Octavia shares her personal journey from exhaustion to self-respect and the awakening that led her to prioritize her well-being. The discussion emphasizes the power of micro acts of care, the significance of self-honesty, and the joy found in everyday moments. Ultimately, they highlight the collective healing that can occur when we acknowledge our needs and support one another in the journey toward rest and restoration.
Takeaways
Rest is a birthright, not a luxury.
Self-respect is crucial for well-being.
Creating white space is essential for mental health.
Awakening to our needs is a journey.
Micro acts of care can lead to significant change.
Collective healing is vital for communities.
Self-honesty is the first step to healing.
Finding joy in everyday moments is important.
Navigating life's seasons requires flexibility.
Embracing the middle ground can alleviate pressure.
Transcript
L'Oreal (00:00.167)
And I'm like, honestly, and I'll go back and I'll record the official bio and like, you know, all the logistical kind of stuff. But like everything that you just said, when I was saying that I know that you have a message for me, I know there's a reason that we need to be talking right now and everything that you just said. And if you want to repeat for our listeners as well, but just about the intention and especially as working moms and you're also an author and it's something to leave the white space is something that I'm working on. Like this is actively like,
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (00:05.379)
Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (00:16.9)
You
L'Oreal (00:29.587)
end of 2024, going into 2025, something that I want to be more intentional about being intentional. So yeah, what you were sharing about, you know, being a partner and a and an author doing the yoga, a mom, like all of that. How do you make the white space because it seems so impossible at times.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (00:56.664)
Well, what I will say...
First is that a crisis brought me to a near fatal crisis physically. A health condition brought me to more self love and care. I'll say soul care because it had to be way deeper than just like, you know, some bubble baths and stuff that I needed to reorient toward my own worthiness.
and my own beingness and just honestly my own self-respect. I respect myself too much to treat myself like, can we cuss up on here? Like, shit, I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not doing that. And so the thing is, if we can back up a little bit and acknowledge that there are lots of systems that disregard and institutions that disregard mothers and caregivers and working parents, like we don't have systemic support.
L'Oreal (01:39.955)
Absolutely. Yeah.
L'Oreal (01:53.939)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (02:00.202)
and whatever the opposite of support is, that is truly what we have going on. And with that awareness is why it becomes even more important to really own our individual agency and power and have the boundaries in place to tell these people, these institutions and the minions within ourselves, like, no, I'm not doing that that way.
L'Oreal (02:05.363)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (02:29.56)
So I'll say that. I want to say that I'm aware that there's the system. Because sometimes I start talking about the individual, and I just need everyone listening to me to understand that I know there's more at play than there's no... The other way can say this is we have to stop blaming ourselves, and then we can step into some agency and power. OK. So after that, how do I make the space? First, I had to shift my thinking because...
L'Oreal (02:39.731)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (02:57.876)
Actions and behavior will follow your thought that's that's just it if we say here we go I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. There's a series of ways of being that and behaviors and actions and what we then believe we deserve that Really have no choice But to manifest in our lives So there's that so I started with thinking a new thought
L'Oreal (03:00.903)
Mmm.
L'Oreal (03:27.251)
Think a new thought. Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (03:27.812)
You know, that sounds simple in language, actually can be really challenging.
If I do not believe I'm worthy of space, I'm not going to do anything to make it. Or if I think I just can't do this, people like me can't do this, this is completely impossible. I might need 1 % more. Like I might be like, this is hard. And can I conjure up 1 % of belief that another way is possible? So some of that is that. And then, you know, for me,
I noticed the lessons around not attending to myself, not taking care of myself, not resting. They started as whispers and started to get louder and louder and louder. And I said, I can't wait on the screams anymore. I can't wait for my body to be screaming, my relationships to be screaming. I cannot wait on the screams anymore. I positioned myself to...
L'Oreal (04:21.267)
See you then.
L'Oreal (04:30.256)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (04:33.56)
be able to listen to the whispers. Does that mean that I get it perfect and nothing bad ever happens? Absolutely not. So how do I make the white space more practically? What I was hearing with you before we pressed record is that.
I work for myself, I own a really successful business. I've written three books in three years. I have one eight year old, I've been married for 18 years and I maintain a sister squad, you know, and I teach Sunday school, like all the things, right, that I really love. Like I have a really, yes, that's a whole nother story. But I say all that to say,
L'Oreal (05:03.761)
You have to.
I didn't know you teach Sunday school.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (05:15.088)
All of that matters so much to me and I also matter to me and all of that benefits profoundly from me being a full vessel, not a half empty cracked one. And so within all those things that I just named that I attend to, how do I make space? So we're recording this second week in December.
After tomorrow, my calendar's clear for three weeks. And that is like being a business owner, all the things, and just having launched a book. How did I do that? I wrote that into my calendar, not last week. I didn't start thinking about it last week. You know, like I plan ahead. And another thing I'm doing on this Sunday with a girlfriend is taking four hours to map out, vision, to rest.
L'Oreal (06:01.39)
You
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (06:13.1)
and then to map out the next year. sometimes, and like part of it is I base it off the rhythm of my business, my family, my life, all those things. I know what the last few Decembers have felt like and I'm like, it doesn't have to be this way. And so instead of waiting for another December to come around and scream at me and smack me in my face, over a year ago, I said, let me look ahead and clear the space.
L'Oreal (06:27.603)
Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (06:40.674)
right now. I'll keep it clear right now. So what that actually looks like, I'm the queen of an electronic calendar is I blocked the space off. And then
L'Oreal (06:43.364)
Thank you.
L'Oreal (06:47.215)
Amen. Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (06:52.612)
When it's tested, when the boundary is tested, I just have to go, no, thank you. No, thank you. Can we check in? Like I have to set the boundary and I have to hold it and I have to hold it and I have to be in the friction and the discomfort that comes in holding that boundary. And I also have to trust and believe that what is for me cannot miss me. I believe that deeply. It's not even a belief. I know it. What is for me cannot miss me. If me holding my boundary.
around space and time to make sure I am good and my family is good, is not congruent with fill in the blank, then we straight, it's out of alignment, right, for me, you know? And so part of it is the time won't make itself. And just as like we are masters at, like sometimes I look at my son's like,
L'Oreal (07:33.427)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (07:44.856)
guitar and golf and fencing the things he's doing. And I'm like, I am a master of making sure he has the experiences he wants, needs and deserves. that and I turn like, it's like, we can do this, we know how to do that. We can look and see where we are making sure everybody gets their things. It's like, hey, take that skill and apply it to yourself. And then the other thing is, it's really important to be honest.
and truthful first with myself about like, what's going on with me if I'm like, I kind of feel like crap, or I'm not okay, or I need some space. First, I have to be honest with myself and not judge myself for it, meaning like, I get to have bad days. I get to feel less than 100%. I get to, you know, all of that. And this is a simple step, but a big step of being like with my partner, being like, I'm not okay, I don't have it.
L'Oreal (08:24.061)
Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (08:35.716)
because I usually have it. You know, like I got it, how the thing's lined up. I can figure it all out. You know, and for me, it's been this practice of like self-honesty and in honesty with other people when I'm like, hey, I maybe need a little bit, I need a little bit more space or whatever it is. And then I'll back up and say, some of this is I'm a rest coach. I practice restorative yoga, yoga nidra, and profound insight and clarity comes from just like a 12 minute a day practice.
L'Oreal (08:37.396)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
L'Oreal (08:49.875)
Thank you.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (09:04.682)
And some of the patterns that I was like, I don't know how to get myself out of this. I believe in therapy. Like we also have to go, maybe I need another resource to help me figure this out. And so I don't know if that answers what you asked.
L'Oreal (09:10.803)
I'm done.
L'Oreal (09:21.171)
It did. Listen, I am mentally taking note because I am the half broken vessel. My December is screaming at me. I am not listening to my body. it's just like, what we, I don't always practice what I preach. And it is becoming more evident as time goes on, as the calendar gets busier, as the white space.
disappears and I have not been honest with myself about that. And so I appreciate you being the full vessel, being able to then pour into me and not just today because Octavia, you have done this for me numerous times since.
I don't even remember when I first met you or came across your work. I remember it was a college classmate, Rochelle Knowles, who was in Atlanta at the time. I think it might have been around 2015, but it's just like you exude awesomeness and rest and care. And you have just poured into me so much at different parts of my life. I remember distinctly right after having Violet and you offered out of the kindness of your heart.
like a rest session and I was newly postpartum, very depressed, very anxious, not resting because there's a newborn. And I still remember vividly, we were living with my in-laws at the time and I told them what I needed. It's like, I'm taking this time. I'm going into the basement. I laid out my mat. You came on the screen. And I don't remember what happened after that because I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. But it just like.
filled my soul. What a gift you have and I just want to publicly thank you because you're amazing and thank you.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (11:16.164)
You know, thank you. I remember that moment really clearly. I, you know, I always say when I raised my family, my next act, I think I could be a postpartum doula because it is such a tender place, a sacred space, and also unfortunately in the culture we live in, really disregarded space.
L'Oreal (11:20.979)
Mm.
L'Oreal (11:30.598)
Yes, yes.
L'Oreal (11:44.253)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (11:44.672)
It is unbelievable how we treat new mothers. And part of me offering that rest session to you and it's something I do when there are new mamas in my space, I'm like, well, let me hold you even if it's virtually, is because my entryway into new motherhood was talk about screaming and feeling like I was punched in the face. Like I'm laughing not because it was funny. I'm laughing because it's so even now uncomfortable to remember.
L'Oreal (11:59.228)
Mm-hmm.
L'Oreal (12:06.6)
gosh.
L'Oreal (12:13.459)
Mmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (12:14.308)
Cause like I'm an A plus student. I am high functioning. I achieve instantly, right? In air quotes, all of that. And you can't ace motherhood. You can experience it. it's like, we out here trying to do like solo project of something that really is a group project. Or it's like, we're in the group project and we're like the only one doing our.
L'Oreal (12:18.801)
Mm-hmm.
L'Oreal (12:22.536)
same.
L'Oreal (12:27.827)
No, ma'am. No, ma'am.
L'Oreal (12:39.507)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (12:43.951)
part of the work. And so I know that one rest session doesn't change the wildness of new motherhood. And I remember there is no tired. was like, I've never been that tired in my life. And so what I decided, I'm like, well, if I can like support a 10 minute respite in a new mother's life, I will. And so that's why
L'Oreal (12:45.043)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (13:14.82)
I was giving what I needed and that's a lot of my work though still. It's like I get it. I don't teach. I think there might be some rest folks who they're like, I've always been like this. This has just been easy for me. I'm like, no, I was dragged to rest. I got drug over here.
L'Oreal (13:25.384)
Yeah.
L'Oreal (13:34.664)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (13:39.332)
And then I said, I set up and said, maybe I can stay here and let me be a student of this deeply. And now I teach it. Yeah. Yeah. So.
L'Oreal (13:51.655)
Yeah. And I want to talk about that moment because I remember in another conversation, you described so vividly, you you're in the hospital. I think there might have been a nurse or someone who had kind of like had this come to Jesus moment. for our listeners, can you share that like awakening and aha moment of where it all like.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (14:03.065)
Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (14:07.428)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (14:12.35)
It was a true come to Jesus moment. I, the moment where I realized, I really can't keep doing this and this is not a drill. You know what I'm saying? Like sometimes we go like, let me just get through this season. I won't do it again. And then we do it again. And let me just get through this season. I won't do it again. Is.
L'Oreal (14:26.737)
This is...
L'Oreal (14:31.643)
Yup.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (14:35.844)
I ended up hospitalized with a condition called rhabdomyolysis, which the perfect storm has to occur, physical exhaustion, dehydration, malnourishment, all the things. It is something that, you know, when I was in the hospital, they're like, ultra marathon runners get this. Y'all, I don't run anything. Like I was working out a lot because we had the perfect storm of kind of disorder eating, disordered relationship with my, with my
L'Oreal (14:56.061)
Thank you.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (15:05.762)
working out regimen, disordered relationship with actual working in rest. But to back up, I didn't even sleep. probably was sleeping four to five hours at the time. So I land in the hospital. And you would think that just it would be instant. Like, my God, I'm doing something wrong. Wake up call. I'm sitting in the hospital worried about all the work I'm not doing. But more than that, and this is like,
L'Oreal (15:06.899)
Isn't it?
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (15:32.812)
very tender. It's like I was, it wasn't just the work I was doing. I was judging myself and not pulling my weight and now I'm sick. I'm a burden to someone else. The underlying belief that really kept me stuck in a cycle of exhaustion was I'm a burden.
Right, I'm a burden, right? You know, you can have positive affirmations. I think a lot of us have negative ones operating in our system. And they are like some totals of a lot of different experiences we have had and then internalized. And mine was, I'm a burden. And if I'm not like, and I gotta work off that burden.
L'Oreal (16:13.735)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (16:16.968)
So I'm in there. gotta try to figure out how to get out, not so I can get better, but so I can go back to work. Do you know what I'm saying? And this nurse comes in and just is like, sis, what are you doing? You know, she says a few things to me, but what she said to me that really resonated, sent chills through my body and also deeply agitated me was,
L'Oreal (16:27.08)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (16:47.396)
to be still and know. Like why would a scripture agitate you? I was saying how my country mama would have said it is that spirit in me was agitated by this nurse who said, don't you know, Psalms 46, 10 says to be still and know. But to back up, she also asked me, she was like, what are you doing in here? What are you running from was what she asked me. And I don't know if you've ever had a moment where someone sees you.
L'Oreal (16:55.571)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (17:17.272)
and you want to be invisible and at the same time maybe punch them. You don't know me like that. It was a read and it was the most loving read. And she just was like, you are too young and on paper too healthy. She's like, clearly not to be here in this condition and whatever you are running from.
L'Oreal (17:21.046)
Yes
L'Oreal (17:31.827)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (17:39.726)
here you are, you got stopped in your tracks. And so I would like to say that this whole experience was the, like, I never looked back from that moment of running myself into the ground that I ended up in a hospital. It was the moment where I was like, I cannot keep doing this this way. And we can all have that moment. And then it's like, well, what do I do about it? This is what I know. I don't know anything differently.
And where are the possibility models for this can be different. And so at the time I taught power yoga as my side gig. And clearly I couldn't go back to that immediately. I wanted to keep practicing yoga. And so it was yin yoga that I went to. And it was a practical practice of slowing down and being still and experiencing yin yoga and practicing that in my body was when I was like,
this is an option. It wasn't easy though, right? Because I was working against decades of doing something one way. And here comes life saying, actually, if you want to keep on keeping on, you actually have to do this differently. So that's to say we can have these moments of awakening and realizing, this is not working. And then it's ultimately what we do, what we choose, and what we
do not do and what we do not choose, the daily habits and actions.
that create the shift. It's not, you know, lightning strikes and suddenly we get, you know, we're doing something different. You know, sometimes it's listening to a conversation and feeling the discomfort or friction that it might awaken in us and then sitting with ourselves and going, what is this? What is trying to come up that I'm pushing down? And then letting the dawning calm, the awakening calm, and then asking like, okay, what am I going to do about this?
L'Oreal (19:21.105)
Right. Yeah.
L'Oreal (19:37.011)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (19:46.092)
Yeah. Yeah.
L'Oreal (19:48.243)
in your retreats for anyone who has not been on them, I've been, how many now has it been? Like maybe three? And each time it is a religious experience, a spiritual awakening. And I vividly remember the first one sitting on a circle on top of that mountain in Georgia with a circle of, what was it, 30, 40 Black and Brown women. And you invited us to exhale.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (19:55.064)
Three.
L'Oreal (20:17.413)
And it was so deep and profound and you could feel the shift, like the collective weight of the world that we had been carrying at that moment. We could let it go. We could lay down our burdens. We could be in community with each other. We could rest, which something like being Black and Brown women in the United States is not always accessible.
for us and you have become that model that you spoke of before of like how do I do this? I don't know anyone who's doing this successfully. I don't know anyone who looks like me who is doing this. So is it possible for me? And you have shown that way and created this container and it's just really special to be part of it. Like you
are leading this movement and you and so many others, like I recently wrote a newsletter about how many of these rest books are written by Black women. And I don't think that's coincidence. Like we know what's up. We know what's up. And rest is having this moment right now, especially post-election going into 2025, like right where fed the fuck up. So where do we go from here? Right? Cause there is this kind of like collective, like, nah, y'all good.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (21:29.166)
Hehehehehe
L'Oreal (21:35.791)
amongst us. And so what does that look like in action? How do we apply our own oxygen mask first in a country that is constantly trying to suffocate us?
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (21:49.806)
So this is the point where I invite you and the listener to inhale and to exhale.
L'Oreal (21:55.571)
Thanks
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (22:00.004)
We start by remembering to do that.
And I think you said something like, where do we go from here? And the word that popped into my head was nowhere. We sit down.
L'Oreal (22:13.619)
Mm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (22:17.8)
sit down, pick up your tea or your water and drink that thing slow. And you know, it sounds a little silly. I always go, if you've been moving a thousand, totally hyperbole, a thousand miles per hour, going to zero is traumatizing, jarring, and you're gonna reject it. And it also might be really impossible.
L'Oreal (22:19.431)
Yes.
L'Oreal (22:40.992)
Mm. This means...
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (22:44.996)
And some of this impossibility is this thought that I was racing, racing, racing, and I just have to come to a halt. I am the queen of can we shift this by 1%. And that's why I said we start with noticing the inhale and the exhale. And sometimes people go Octavia, I can't rest. And I go like, I'm not about to argue with you because I don't know your life, not any of it.
L'Oreal (23:10.439)
Okay.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (23:13.196)
If you haven't been resting, that feels true. Then I go, the way you start a rest practice is to start with a single pause. And we have to trust that one pause, one choice, one step at a time is how we build toward living a life that we are living. Like I was saying before we started, I don't.
I don't want to just work in my life. I want to live my life. Like I did not come here to just like work or like what is the like really what's the point of that? Like I don't know. I don't know more like articulate, like super intelligent way to say like this. That can't be the whole point. It's just, I just refuse to believe that, you know? And so where, where we go from here is sit down, notice your body, notice your breath.
L'Oreal (23:41.267)
Thank you.
Yes.
L'Oreal (23:47.955)
Thank
L'Oreal (23:51.73)
You know.
No.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (24:09.464)
maybe even put your hands at your heart or your belly and just say, I'm here with me. Like, let the world be betraying us. We can't betray us. You can't betray you. Don't leave yourself anymore, right? And so that's what I have to offer. The simplest practice, because for me, I'm like, it's great to have the conversations and
We have to practice it. It can be put your hand on your heart. My hand's on my heart right now. Notice your body, notice your breath. I think that's what we do next. And then we string moments of noticing body, noticing breath together. And then we get together with each other, sis, I notice your body, I notice your breath, I'm here with you too. And we keep doing that over and over and we stop convincing ourself that these small acts of care.
to ourselves and each other don't add up. You know, I was talking to, worked with this really incredible project, the Highland Project. And one of the Highland leaders said, if microaggressions can be so painful and hurtful and almost debilitating, then why can't we also believe that micro acts of care?
L'Oreal (25:12.637)
Yeah.
L'Oreal (25:18.323)
Mmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (25:38.434)
can have real impact and be powerful. The thing is, we experience some of these, what we're calling microaggressions over and over and over. It's like, can't stop, won't stop. Somebody is scratching that record. And for me, knowing that that's the system and that's the world makes it even more, instead of going, I just give up, can't, I don't give up on me, right? I do not give up on, I am a worthy vessel of care.
L'Oreal (25:50.451)
This is your break.
L'Oreal (26:03.281)
No.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (26:07.756)
Like, I don't give up on that. And I don't give up on if what I got access to right now is this one minute, let me be with me now. You know, the micro acts of care, they have to matter. And they do matter. Like, you can even notice when we took the one breath, what did you notice? You know, like, what difference did it make for you?
L'Oreal (26:26.451)
you
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (26:29.316)
And sometimes people go, yeah, but then after that breath, then it starts all over again. And I'm like, and then remember your breath again. And we call, I call it a practice, not a perfect, because this is the process, right? It is the process. So that's where I'm at. I'm like, where to next? I'm about to sit down.
L'Oreal (26:49.587)
Please have a seat. To bed, to the sofa, all of that. Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (26:55.67)
Yes, yes, yes. A question I like to ask myself is what is mine to do and what is not mine to do? And a challenge I see in, like I coach a lot of really visionary leaders who are Black, Indigenous, women of color. And when we can start to tease out what really is yours to do, what's not yours to do, and you focus on what's yours.
Also, we get some white space, right? And then in the work frame, you know, let's say you have a company, you have a vision, or you have an organization, you have a mission. And when we're solid in that space, we're filtering our yeses and nos and how we do everything through the lens of does it serve that mission or vision? And I'm like, so much in life, people are like, kind of floating around like, what's really my purpose?
and just grasping at and doing all the things. And I'm like, well, what's your North Star? What's your guiding light? Filter your yeses and nos through, is that in alignment with this? Does that support this? And don't do that thing that we can like loosely make everything related to this mission. that's not, you know, you know, cause I know that we could do that too. And then the other thing is like, well, even if it is related, is this the season for it
L'Oreal (28:08.595)
for a agony update.
L'Oreal (28:13.32)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (28:20.566)
according to your life, your life, like your life, right? And I'm saying life because I'm like, we are alive, we are humans, we are beings. And a lot of times we're, we're centering work and we are marginalizing like our life, our health and wellbeing. So that's what, that's what we do. Just, just have a seat.
L'Oreal (28:48.531)
Listen, have a seat and take a breath and the 1%, the 1 % more comfortable.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (28:50.998)
and enjoy it and take a breath. Yes, the 1%, the 1 % more comfortable is very important. You know, because sometimes if we ask, how can I get, I ask us, Black, Indigenous, women of color, how can we get 1 % more comfortable? A lot. that's because I have this.
L'Oreal (29:01.062)
Yes.
L'Oreal (29:13.671)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (29:16.132)
full awareness of it's uncomfortable out there. And so when you're with yourself, like if you're sitting in a room, ask yourself, how can I get more comfortable? let me put on a jacket. Like, do that. Like these, the, yeah.
L'Oreal (29:27.293)
Put on socks was one of your classes that I was like, I can put socks on right now because my feet are cold. I can do that. But it was you had to put plant that seed. And even at the last retreat, my friend and I, when you said, what can you do to get 1 % more comfortable? Do you need your eye mask from back in your cabin? And I was like, am I really about to get up out this practice? Put on my shoes and walk to my, yes, I am. And I did. And I grabbed my bonnet while I was there.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (29:37.164)
Yeah.
You hear that?
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (29:55.784)
You
L'Oreal (29:56.277)
back and that took a good ass nap.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (29:58.498)
And I remember that, and part of that was like, so you actually, to honor what was gonna bring you a lot more ease and comfort, you had to put in some effort. It maybe was uncomfortable. You had to get over, like, am I gonna really get up? Am I disrupting anyone? You weren't disrupting. Like that singular act was transformational, right? And so, and it sent a clear signal to you that you were with you.
L'Oreal (30:07.816)
Mmm.
L'Oreal (30:12.722)
Yeah.
L'Oreal (30:18.728)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (30:27.884)
I am for you. I got you, sis. And it was helpful because then that whole room, was like 38 of us was like, we got you too. Go do the thing you need to do for yourself. I wake up every morning, I say thank you. This is while I'm still laying in bed, I say thank you. And I ask myself, what do I need today? And I'll listen.
L'Oreal (30:31.237)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (30:54.678)
And then when I hear a trip to Hawaii, I go, well, that's not going to happen today. I write it down and I'm like, I might need to get together a plan for that. And I'm naming the big thing because sometimes people go, well, the need's so big. And I'm like, again, we're doing, we can easily do this thing where it's like everything in the way to not attend to ourselves, which I think, you know, not even think I'm like, there's a lot of like generational trauma in that. Like, why are we disregarding?
L'Oreal (30:58.364)
you
L'Oreal (31:20.273)
Yes. Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (31:24.16)
ourselves so much. And then the pain of how disregarded we have been is also why I'm like, it's such a beautiful healing that occurs when we pause, put our hands at our heart and say, I'm here with you, sis. Or just say to another woman, like, I see you. Saying to another mother, I see you. I remember one time this kid was melting down in Target and the mom was like, she's about to melt down too. And I said,
my baby ain't melting down right now, but he does and I see you. And then we just started laughing and then she picked him up and we picked up and moved on. And I'm like, again, I don't know what that helped her with that day. Cause I know when people have said to me, I see you, especially I see you mama. I can excel then too. You know, so.
L'Oreal (31:59.516)
you.
L'Oreal (32:04.584)
Yeah.
L'Oreal (32:14.983)
Mm-hmm.
L'Oreal (32:19.333)
It's a gift, such a gift.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (32:20.584)
It's a gift. And so I'm like, we get to start with 1 % at a time because the high achieving version of us is like, well, I want to do 100 % right now. Well, we're not trying to burn out on care either. That doesn't make any sense.
L'Oreal (32:35.611)
Listen, literally the conversation that I had, part of the two reasons why I was late to our call today was exactly that. Like in teaching this Yoga for Fertility series here in Chicago in person, and now I'm doing virtual for women of color, and it's so important, so personal to me. And yet I am burning myself out. And so, but there's always been that like black or white thinking, all or nothing, and my therapist has been encouraging me. What's the middle?
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (32:57.39)
Hmm.
L'Oreal (33:04.084)
Like, what's the gray space here? And so, yeah. Talking through that.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (33:04.29)
Yes, beautiful. Like what is the middle ground? Yes. I love it. This morning, I love me a to-do list. Like I like making lists. Like it's a thing. And sometimes people are like, really? You're so like, and I'm like, no, I also I'm like, I'm mystical and very practical. Like I like making to-do lists and my to-do list, there's one thing.
L'Oreal (33:18.589)
Same. Yes.
L'Oreal (33:27.539)
you
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (33:32.824)
for me to do on it. And I have like some speaking engagements today, but my to-do list is done. And I was thinking about, I don't know if you ever have like the to-do list that like it never gets done. then something drops off, something comes back on it. And it occurred to me this morning, I said, if the to-do list is never done, there's not something wrong with you.
L'Oreal (33:47.953)
Yes.
L'Oreal (33:51.443)
Mm-hmm
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (33:58.658)
And I'm saying that because I used to internalize, just can't get it together. Why can't I get it together and do a thousand things? If you can't, there's nothing wrong with you if you can't get through the list. But I said to myself, said, there's something wrong with the list if you can't get, let's blame it on the list. And what I mean by that is sometimes we're making lists for like a two hour window that really is a 20 hour window. Stop doing that.
L'Oreal (34:02.642)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (34:26.692)
Right? You know what? And it's hard because part of because I'm like, here's the thing. We also are denying when we do that ourselves the like dopamine rush and the feeling of success that comes when we do the three things that were reasonable to do because some of it is like these lists we're making for ourselves are unreasonable, you know, and this is taking practice for me to go, huh, like what?
L'Oreal (34:27.057)
L'Oreal (34:50.077)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (34:56.172)
like prioritize, like what needs to be done and what else do I want to do and what's the window and being honest with myself about that. Because then the feeling I get when I'm like, yes, done, then I feel successful. I don't feel defeated. I'm not like I'm effing up out here. But so I noticed like a simple thing just to be like, look at your list and are you making a list for a two hour window that is like a week long window?
L'Oreal (35:03.283)
Honesty.
L'Oreal (35:14.983)
Yeah. Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (35:25.732)
Or if it's a week long window, be honest about that and then chunk it up. Like, OK, this for Monday, this for Tuesday. And so I like even just playing with that energetically on a page. Because also, even a little connection to your body, can be making lists and your body is going to have reactions like, nah, sis, that does not work. We know, right? We just keep overriding. Yeah, we just keep overriding. And so.
L'Oreal (35:47.429)
Yes, the body be knowing, the body be knowing.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (35:54.031)
When you said the middle way, made me think about...
just self honesty and acknowledging the gap sometimes between like, really want to, and this is very important. And this need over here is this. And I get to attend to that too. It's the both and the and. And something can be true. Like, I really want to teach this series with 12 classes. And also it can be true that
L'Oreal (36:15.603)
The both and as our friend Chelsea says.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (36:27.78)
This is not my season to do that. I could probably do four. Four feels like a lot. OK, I can do three, and maybe they're going to be 45 minutes long. And then really trusting that that's enough.
And that's, yeah, that's enough. Yeah.
L'Oreal (36:47.251)
Trust.
and honesty, all of these values. And I could literally talk to you forever. You're such, I just, fan girl over here. But to round out our conversation because we know that the rest is crucial. It is not a nice to have, it is a necessity. And also joy. So what's bringing you joy right now? What's filling your cup?
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (37:09.155)
Yes.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (37:13.7)
This morning I was listening to Big K.R.I.T. and Kendrick Lamar. I can't believe I just said that. Like I was just like doing my thing and bopping along. Making tablescapes, making things beautiful, bringing me joy. My son and I are listening to The Genius Files. The silly book is so funny. We laugh a lot while we're listening to it.
L'Oreal (37:23.621)
Yep.
Yeah.
L'Oreal (37:41.715)
Aww.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (37:45.71)
What else is bringing me joy? You got me on a good day. If you had got me Monday, I would have been like, what? Where? You know, because we're riding the waves of life over here. You know, but really music. I love music. My family, my son is so funny, y'all. He is hysterical. Eight years, eight year olds, they're the funniest.
L'Oreal (37:50.995)
What joy!
Yes, yes ma'am.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (38:15.652)
That's what's bringing me joy. Yeah, I think I'm leaving it at that. Hot chocolate.
L'Oreal (38:20.923)
Yeah, tis the season. I'm reading a book called How to Winter because here in Chicago, these winters hit different for what I'm used to in Maryland growing up. But it's been a really good mindset shift and perspective of what can I look forward to? The writer, the author studied people in this region of Norway where it is pitch black for months. And they don't really experience any higher rates of like
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (38:28.726)
Yeeees... Yeah...
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (38:40.77)
Yep. Yep. Yep.
L'Oreal (38:48.123)
winter or seasonal depression than other areas in the world. So it's like, what is there, what's happening? And a lot of it is that mindset shift and the hot chocolate and the Christmas lights and just the little things to look forward to, the coziness.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (38:49.977)
Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (38:58.58)
Yeah. And I could imagine the acceptance of this is what it is. And this don't last always. The season is going to change, you know, the season's going to change. And while I'm here, but I like, cause the I'm in Georgia, to be honest, you know, like I'm like the winter can bring me down. And I know someone listening is like sis, you're in Georgia.
L'Oreal (39:05.585)
That part. Yeah, this too shall pass.
L'Oreal (39:21.479)
Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (39:25.7)
What's the, what's the, what's the low 55, right? And, and though, like making soups, like doing things that I really can only do when it's cold or cooler. I'm like, yeah, that's it. But I, I'm not, I'm not a cold weather girl. And there's something.
L'Oreal (39:33.747)
Mm-hmm.
L'Oreal (39:37.883)
Mm-hmm.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (39:47.234)
what happens in the winter and the earth going kind of quiet and cold and things going underground, there would be no spring, there would be no summer, there would be no harvest in the fall. If winter did not happen, and it's the same thing for us, like we have to winter, like we have to winter, we have to winter. I feel like I'm repeating things three times, because I'm like, it's important. Yeah, so.
L'Oreal (39:58.833)
Right.
L'Oreal (40:04.861)
Yes.
L'Oreal (40:10.523)
And it's important. It's important. Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (40:16.808)
that's what's bringing me joy. Little music, hot chocolate, laughter with my son. my gosh. That's, that's a tangent that we will not go on right now.
L'Oreal (40:20.637)
Thank you. Yeah. Kendrick Lamar. So great. I still need to listen to the new album, but I want to like sit down and be able to absorb.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (40:34.346)
Yes, you have to. I think he's such a poet that I'm like, let's sit and listen and writing. My ways of writing, the art of it all. Can we rest for two minutes? Like literally two minutes. And so.
L'Oreal (40:39.121)
Yes, yeah.
L'Oreal (40:45.617)
the art of it all. Yeah.
L'Oreal (40:51.761)
Yes, please. Yes, I'm ready.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (40:59.062)
If you're moving, you probably got to keep moving and come back to this. And if you're in a place where you can be still.
L'Oreal (41:03.379)
Pull the car over. Yeah.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (41:13.742)
then you get still. Your eyes can be opened or closed. Again, if you're moving, your eyes are open and you're noticing your body.
Maybe even if just by 1 % because sometimes if something feels off or in pain, it's hard to pay attention to even the body.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (41:40.79)
Notice where you feel a sense of openness and spaciousness.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (41:51.756)
And with self-compassion, notice where you feel constriction or tightness.
And noticing isn't judging, it's just like saying, I see you, I see you.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (42:09.474)
And then notice your breath and receive an inhalation that is nourishing, that is full of possibility, that is hopeful. And when you exhale, sense that you can let something go even if it's by a fraction of 1%. That's not yours, let it go. And you do that two more times, noticing your breath.
If your mind starts to wander, just listen to the sound of your breath, let that bring you back. And then every exhalation, letting go, letting go, letting go a little bit more.
and then full breath in.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (42:55.236)
full breath out.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (43:02.67)
We'll pause here for just another breath or two.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (43:11.522)
And if I can, I want to read something from my new book, Rest is Sacred. An ancestor dreamed you here to end the cycle of overwork, exhaustion, and depletion in your lineage. Somebody prayed you here for healing on an individual and collective level. Look up. It is written in the sky. This time, you get to heal through joy. This time.
You get to heal through joy this time. You get to heal through joy. Thank you. I hope that served you well. I hope it serves the listener well. It's been an honor to talk to you.
L'Oreal (43:52.659)
I just love you so much. Thank you. Thank you.
Octavia Faith Ann Raheem (43:56.034)
Likewise, thank you. Thank you.
